The Partisan's Year End Round Up
I could talk about men's fashion and industrialization all day, but shitposting must intrude.
This Is The Welcome Heading
2024 was an interesting year for The Partisan. I know this because for the first time ever we’re doing a year end round up. Fun how that works, ain’t it? Don’t worry, it’ll be a quickie. I can only suffer so much navel gazing self blow jobbing of this sort. More than most however which makes me a Real Writer, Mom! We’ll talk about how it started, where it’s going, and highlight some fun stuff from the year. Sit back, grab yourself a coffee, and come with me on Substack’s first ever shitpostrective.
How It Started
One of the fun parts of being an amateur historian is looking back over a period of time and thinking, “Holy crap… it’s only been that long?”
Remember Substackers Against Nazis? Of course you don’t, because they were fucking retards. This was the first essay of 2024 written in the middle of that faker-than-Chinese-astroturf campaign to bring Libtard brand Pre-Musk censorship (as opposed to Post-Musks Oligatardchy Brand) to Substack.
There are some years where decades pass. 2024 was Exhibit A.
Thankfully, Substack resisted their retarded mule-braying fucktardedness and refused to bend the knee. Sure, they eliminated a handful of accounts that violated their terms of service. While we’ll never know the total picture for ourselves, I feel pretty safe in saying Substack is walking the walk when it comes to free expression on this platform. Just take a look at some of the stuff out there! It’s ridiculously refreshing the variety of opinion in this place. Heck, after my own Y U BAN ME? scare earlier this year, and how it was handled with aplomb by Substack, I’m feeling more confident than ever. Basically, I’m saying I’m the canary in this coal mine. The party crasher. The fly in the ointment. The monkey wrench.
Ho ho ho, now I have a machine gun shitpost.
Let’s Talk Numbers
On principle I never ever do this so now’s a perfect time to start. Enjoy, nerds.
As of January 1st, 2024:
Total subscribers: 392
Paid Subscribers: 4 (you fucking degenerates I love you)
Total followers: 572
As of December 28th, 2024 (this writing):
Total subscribers: 1,495
Paid subscribers: 14 (you fucking degenerates I love you)
Total followers: 2,572
Let’s see if we can’t push me up over 1,500 subscribers by 2025, shall we? That’s three days.
Super In-Depth Math Analysis Time
Numbers are neat! Moving on.
Top Five Posts of the Year
Here were the most popular posts of the year based on my own secret sauce algorithm (likes + comments + restacks + vibes + Phistophuckery). Starting with number five, here they are in ascending order followed by brief commentary.
This guide was probably the most fun post this year. Pure stream of consciousness goofing around. You gotta love it.
I’m really pleased the ANTIFA comics were so popular. They’re quite funny because of the historical awareness and, frankly, those idiots deserve all the scorn we can heap upon them. Most libtards are cannon fodder, at best. All the fat makes them good bullet sponges, you see!
Number three was quite difficult to write but seemed to connect with a lot of you. I know it began one online friendship with a father of T1 diabetics, which I treasure (you know who you are) because he’s shown me an example of the kind of father I hope to be.
Number two was almost required thanks to the subject matter. It was especially notable as the first time I ever turned off comments. I struggled with that decision, but ultimately came down on the side of not having time to moderate online slap fights for free.
Oh. And Teddy Roosevelt took over my account for awhile. That was interesting.
Number one speaks for itself, I think. Go read it. It’s much better than this post
Super In-Depth Word Analysis Time
Y’all are a bunch of angry monkeys! But it’s OK. You know why?
Because I love you, man.
Three Items of Actual Not Fake News
There are three developments from this year I must mention.
First is my personage joining
on the podcast. Starting out as just some stray cat that kept showing up he’s done me the honor (dishonor?) of making me an official part of the show. I get food, a poop box, and everything! It’s great!Season Two just kicked off, so make sure to give it a listen and if you like the vibe hit that subscribe (Crap, I should’ve been a jingle writer. 10 MILLION STRONK AND SHITPOSTING). You can find the season’s first episode here:
The second, but most important to me personally, is bringing
onto the staff of The Partisan. As one of my dearest friends and creative partner, he’s probably just as responsible for this ridiculous Substack as I am. He may not have a hand in everything I do, but his spirit does. Future historians, take note. We’re just friends not gay lovers.But all jokes aside, thanks Isaiah. I’ll make sure they shoot me first so you laugh last.
(Don’t say I never did anything nice for him, OK folks?)
Finally, back to MEEEEEEE. This year was my first attempt at writing regularly. I began a weekly series called Forest Lessons, chronicling my experience as a public school teacher. Many of you many not realize, but I’m only in my third year of doing this. I’m what you call a “career changer”, kids! Whatever you call it, I’m quite happy with it. Here’s this year’s final essay. Serves as a pretty telling bookend to how the year started.
We went some good places this year, didn’t we?
Alright, Let’s Wrap This Shit and Ship It
And with that, so ends my first yearly review. I wish you all a Happy New Year and prosperous 2025. It’s gonna be a ride, that’s for sure. Good luck to us all.
Historians will absolutely make you gay. Or trans. They’re gay like that.
Glad to have you on the team man. May we have a fantastic year of irreverent esoteric conversation with the best of the best, or just a few degenerates, whatever works for everyone.