Phisto is describing an action all would do well to ponder. All of us are mortal on this planet, and whether we have 95 years or not, death is a part of life in this world. You might as well prepare yourself for that. But Phisto has had an epiphany that he has shared with us.
Great piece. Really describes the sense of living with a serious disease. Being human is often lonely, a state greatly relieved by such writing. Thank you.
This is so true and so incomprehensible for those who have only “logically, but not or emotionally realized” their mortality. It brings every day to a brilliance and sharp relief inexplicable to most. I came across an interview with on science history and diabetes specifically by Gary Taubes yesterday on The Illusion of Consensus. May interest you or not. https://garytaubes.com/
Great read homie. I believe we are all here to learn the same lesson over and over again. You learned it masterfully at the hands of a brutal teacher. The seed was planted in you early on and it burst forth while you were in the hospital. You Let Go. By meditating on your death, you reached acceptance. I believe this is/was Jesus’ teachings on life
all the way through. However you can’t control a person who understands this, let alone an entire population ❤️🩹
I have been forced to learn this lesson many times over now, through a myriad of different traumas and blessing. I’m using these experiences and fictionalizing them in a Hunter S. Kind of way and trying to write a novel. Check out some of my process on my page if you get time 🙏
Excellent essay. I’m fond of saying that we are dying from the moment we’re born. Life is temporary and its end is an inexorable truth. We can focus on the “when” and the fear of it, or we can embrace the principle that has sadly become cliché: to live each day as though it was our last. We can try to “do everything right” to live a long and healthy life, yet still be gone in a moment. I don’t wish for death, but neither do I fear it. There’s freedom in that.
LADA here, also. Almost 30 years in the interim. At first it does help to “rage, rage against the dying of the light” if that’s what it takes to feel in control.
Then, as you say, once things normalize (cue manic laughter), we remain mindful of the endgame without undue resentment and unnecessary misery.
As my first clinician said in response to my whining re giving up so much lifestyle for a 50/50 chance of avoiding “complications,” -- “You want to behave well so you can die from something else.”
Oof!
Psychologically, it pays out this way: your reward for managing everything today is that you get to do it again tomorrow.
Cheers. (Distilled spirits being insulin independent.)
Well, my friend, I'm going to selfishly wish you a long and healthy life anyway, and you can't stop me! mwahahaha
Of course, I hope you "fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds’ worth of distance run," as Kipling would say, and make of that time whatever you like. And jokes aside, I deeply admire and respect the perspective. I'm reminded of the Stoics, and of Fight Club, and the Simpson's episode where Bart sold his soul to Milhouse... and a great many things, but none of those are the actual experiences you have endured (and continue to integrate into your life), so I thank you for sharing that with us in this eloquent article.
I think you are quite right about how the fear of death can lead to a rejection of life, and how the medical-industrial complex will "see you beaten down, demoralized, and spending your final days lashed to tubes in some hospital room long after your consciousness has ceased. They will feed your body, clean up its shit, and keep your soul from release for mere profane profit." Well said, tragic and horrifying though it may be...
So, it's time for a Kerouac quote!
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!'"
I'm the only NON-diabetic in my family. how that worked out I have no idea. But I know I am damned lucky. All the best.
yes!
‘to die before you die!’
a daily practice…
(a sufi lifelong practice)
Phisto is describing an action all would do well to ponder. All of us are mortal on this planet, and whether we have 95 years or not, death is a part of life in this world. You might as well prepare yourself for that. But Phisto has had an epiphany that he has shared with us.
Great piece. Really describes the sense of living with a serious disease. Being human is often lonely, a state greatly relieved by such writing. Thank you.
“Death follows me. Ever so often we share a glance over my left shoulder and I thank Him for his patience “. Don Juan, Yaqui Curendero
This is so true and so incomprehensible for those who have only “logically, but not or emotionally realized” their mortality. It brings every day to a brilliance and sharp relief inexplicable to most. I came across an interview with on science history and diabetes specifically by Gary Taubes yesterday on The Illusion of Consensus. May interest you or not. https://garytaubes.com/
Being a Physician, I believe one of the great blessings is to be aware of how tenuous your health and life are. Cherish each moment
I'm 64, and since I turned 60 I've been thinking about my death almost daily... Schopenhauer is a big help here❤️
I loved reading this, and now I feel like I know you better.
Great read homie. I believe we are all here to learn the same lesson over and over again. You learned it masterfully at the hands of a brutal teacher. The seed was planted in you early on and it burst forth while you were in the hospital. You Let Go. By meditating on your death, you reached acceptance. I believe this is/was Jesus’ teachings on life
all the way through. However you can’t control a person who understands this, let alone an entire population ❤️🩹
I have been forced to learn this lesson many times over now, through a myriad of different traumas and blessing. I’m using these experiences and fictionalizing them in a Hunter S. Kind of way and trying to write a novel. Check out some of my process on my page if you get time 🙏
https://fromaghosttoaghost.substack.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web&r=38usvw
Excellent essay. I’m fond of saying that we are dying from the moment we’re born. Life is temporary and its end is an inexorable truth. We can focus on the “when” and the fear of it, or we can embrace the principle that has sadly become cliché: to live each day as though it was our last. We can try to “do everything right” to live a long and healthy life, yet still be gone in a moment. I don’t wish for death, but neither do I fear it. There’s freedom in that.
LADA here, also. Almost 30 years in the interim. At first it does help to “rage, rage against the dying of the light” if that’s what it takes to feel in control.
Then, as you say, once things normalize (cue manic laughter), we remain mindful of the endgame without undue resentment and unnecessary misery.
As my first clinician said in response to my whining re giving up so much lifestyle for a 50/50 chance of avoiding “complications,” -- “You want to behave well so you can die from something else.”
Oof!
Psychologically, it pays out this way: your reward for managing everything today is that you get to do it again tomorrow.
Cheers. (Distilled spirits being insulin independent.)
I often ponder the day I will die, and añways hope to have the courage to face it with grace. Thanks for writing this.
Thanks for sharing this partvof your personal journey Phisto. I learned many things and syrupy blood will be in my mind forever now.
Have you done any research into using CBD oil for your type 1 diabetes?
Here is an article that talks about it and includes Rob Howe from the NBA, who uses CBD oil for his type 1 diabetes.
https://www.healthline.com/diabetesmine/ten-questions-on-cbd-oil-and-diabetes
Well done Phisto,..this which you stated should be owned by everyone;
"I will embrace my reality, draw close the truth of my mortality, and leave this world with eyes and soul wide open and aware."
Thank you for that,
scott
Well, my friend, I'm going to selfishly wish you a long and healthy life anyway, and you can't stop me! mwahahaha
Of course, I hope you "fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds’ worth of distance run," as Kipling would say, and make of that time whatever you like. And jokes aside, I deeply admire and respect the perspective. I'm reminded of the Stoics, and of Fight Club, and the Simpson's episode where Bart sold his soul to Milhouse... and a great many things, but none of those are the actual experiences you have endured (and continue to integrate into your life), so I thank you for sharing that with us in this eloquent article.
I think you are quite right about how the fear of death can lead to a rejection of life, and how the medical-industrial complex will "see you beaten down, demoralized, and spending your final days lashed to tubes in some hospital room long after your consciousness has ceased. They will feed your body, clean up its shit, and keep your soul from release for mere profane profit." Well said, tragic and horrifying though it may be...
So, it's time for a Kerouac quote!
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!'"