Posts Inspiring Suicidal Shenanigans
For the first time ever we're taking the PISS for historical literacy!
Author’s Note: I usually don’t publish twice in one day but the spirit took me on this one and I figure why wait? This Sunday you have two great options to read from The Partisan. The more serious and contemplative Forest Lessons, No 10 or something more… well. See for yourself!
In either case, enjoy your day!
welcome to the show, ladies and germs!
i am your host phisto sobanii, asshole extraordinaire. today we’re starting a brand new feature here at The Partisan we’re calling:
Posts Inspiring Suicidal Shenanigans
triggered? i don’t give a fuck give your balls a tug. i’m taking the PISS and you can’t stop me! here’s how it works: whenever i goddamn feel like it I’ll write a shitposty posty post highlighting the dumbest fucking shit i’ve seen on Notes. the criteria? it makes me think this:
i’m talking the dumbest fucking shit you could possibly imagine will only makes the cut. i mean, we’re talking shit like
posting a Time Magazine cover from 2017 THAT DIDN’T KNOW ST. BASIL’S CATHEDRAL ISN’T THE SAME THING AS THE GODDAMN FUCKING KREMLIN.
i mean forget Time Drooling Retarded Election “Fortifiers” Magazine for the moment. that was in 2017. who THE FUCK POSTS IT IN 2024? st. basil’s is a glorious monument to human achievement. begun in the 16th century (nearly a 100 years before my PILGRIM ANCESTORS landed in America!!) by Ivan the Terrible (yeah piss him off see what happens) with those fancy colors added in the 17th century it is a beloved building across not just the eastern orthodox church but also the world. but yeah sure let’s piss all over that because Orange Man Bad duurrrrrr. dude back off the russians they’re cool as fuck boi
jingoism makes you stupid, kids. don’t be like jon. don’t be stupid.
NEXT UP is
who forgot here in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA we celebrate Thanksgiving not Shitsfuckingstupidgiving!
only a fucking boomer could boil down hundreds of years of history into a single facebook quality meme like that. yessir. you gotta admire the commitment to rampant stupidity. trying to torpedo thanksgiving by making up shit about native GENOCIIIIIIIIIDE is retarded for a lot of reasons. first off, it’s not anything humans haven’t been doing since we walked out of africa (just ask the nethanderals, like Brenda). extinction is the rule on earth kiddooooos.
people conquer other people. it happens, ok? just ask the indians what they got up to (like the Iroquois, Inca, or Aztecs? holy shitballs). besides the whole american project isn’t nearly as brutal as what the spanish and portugeeze brought to central and south america. hacienda system. look it up. that’s spanish for “basically roman empire shit with more rape.” in any case, thanks for joining us on this inaugural edition of PISS, Brendy-buttfucks! stop being stupid ok please i beg you?
DOOR STUCK. DOOR STUCK.
ok anyway finally, we have this absolutely brilliant (and by that i mean breathtakingly bad) post from
bro. bro. BRO. Justinian would like a word with you. something about “and this asshole thought the nika riots were bad my boy Bellisarius gonna leave a piece of him in every reconquered western Roman province ON GOD”. look. i’m not crazy enough to piss of the Byzantines which is why i’m taking the PISS out of you instead!
and that’s the show, folks! hope you enjoyed this first crack at whateverthefuckitwas i’m doing! stay tuned for future episodes and remember:
More lives than your own may depend on your historical literacy!
ok look this is usually the part where i say thanks for reading blah blah blah listen losers this post is a joke if you wanna cry and scream about it just block or mute me or better yet GET HISTORICALLY LITERATE then i won’t have to do this anymore
alright whatever subscribe and if you’ve got the balls pay me money too you’ve blown $5/month on worse that’s like a shilling in 1776 money ok BYE
I love the midwit-tier "dark ages" one. As if it hasn't become more and more apparent to even lay historians that the dark ages were not as dark as the later enlightenment propagandists portrayed them as.
Nor other factors such as the collapse of the Roman empire. Nor the role of monestaries/etc. in preserving and developing scientific knowledge.
Morons.
I support this project. Thank you for being you, Phisto.